Secrets

I had Secrets.
 
 

I was a successful coach.
 
 I was a firm anchor for many clients.
 
 I was a cheerful friend.
 
 I was a solid and reliable employee.
 
 I was calm and grounded.
 
 I was well dressed and organized.
 
 I prioritized my health, nutrition, and fitness.
 
 I was motivated and had goals.
 
 

AND
 
 

I was hiding.

I was hiding so much pain.
 

 I was avoiding talking about what was happening at home.
 
 

The unspoken secrets were suffocating.
 

I was allowing violent and cruel words to fill my ears and mind.
 
 I went to bed with adrenaline filling my body, knowing I would be woken up to unpredictable situations.
 
 I turned on a recorder at night many times before I went to bed, just in case anything happened.
 
 I pretended to be asleep in the middle of the night, in order to minimize or avoid fights.
 
 I silently tip-toed through my house, hoping to be unnoticed and avoid conflict.
 
 I secretly looked up living spaces, where I might escape the constant fear and emotional turmoil.
 
 I worked and re-worked my expenses, trying to figure out how I could support myself.
 
 I packed emergency bags and made lists of friends I could call in a pinch.
 
 

What kept me stuck?
 
 

Fear.
 
 Embarrassment.
 
 Shame.
 
 

But…
 
 I was only as sick as my secrets.
 
 

Eventually, my courage won. Truth won. My voice won.

And, all my fears crumbled.
 
 

As soon as I acted in faith and in alignment with my self-value, the Universe jumped to support me. There was no shame. Everyone couldn’t wait to support me. To hold me. To offer kindness. To offer labor and time.
 
 

When the secrets are spoken, they have no power.
 
 When the shame is brought into the light, it vanishes.
 
 

Take the leap today.
 
 Tell all the secrets.
 
 Put your shame on the table.
 
 

Be free.

facebook.com/groups/iamunapologetic