Jillian Aurora

May 1, 20202 min

WORTHINESS Has No Prerequisites

Updated: Dec 31, 2021

“They NEED me.”

“I work 3 jobs, cover rent for 5 people, go to school, sit on a non profit board, and volunteer at the homeless shelter.”

“I work 100 hours a week but I HAVE TO because I’m taking care of foster kids and supporting my spouse.”

“Yea, I’m overstretched because everyone is relying on me and I CAN’T stop.”
 
“My spouse is sick and unable to contribute, I work with the sick and destitute, I shoulder all the bills, I work all the hours, and I don’t get any sleep because I HAVE TO and NO ONE ELSE will do it.”
 


 
THIS USED TO BE ME.
 


 
I HAVE TO
 
THEY NEED ME
 
NO ONE ELSE WILL
 
IT IS THE WAY IT IS
 
I HAVE NO CHOICE
 


 
My SAVIOR COMPLEX was STRONG. It ruled my life.


 
These BULLSHIT messages filled my mind, constantly.
 
Reasons why I couldn’t focus on my dreams right now.
 
Reasons why I HAD to be there for everyone else, while abandoning myself.
 
Reasons why I had to push myself to EXTREME levels of exhaustion and deprivation.
 


 
Why?
 


 
Because this was how I was “EARNING” my worth.
 
If I helped enough people
 
If people NEEDED me
 
If I worked HARDER than everyone else
 
Then, surely, I was more VALUABLE.
 


 
You see, deep down, I didn’t think I was good enough just the way I was. I thought, if I worked harder, achieved all the things, and helped enough people, I could somehow not be inadequate anymore.
 


 
The truth is, WORTHINESS HAS NO PREREQUISITES.
 


 
I was on an endless, self-made treadmill. No matter how much I pushed, no matter how many people I helped or achievements I conquered, I never felt satisfied. I felt tired. I felt alone. I felt abandoned and burnt out. It was NEVER ENOUGH.
 


 
Until, one day I decided to GET OFF THE FUCKING TREADMILL.
 


 
I stopped stealing responsibilities that were never mine in the first place.
 
I stopped trying to save everyone.
 
I stopped seeking out people who needed me.
 
I stopped reducing myself to careers that took advantage of me.
 
I stopped driving myself like a slave driver.
 
I stopped equating my worth to the things I was doing or not doing.
 


 
If you’re caught up in the SAVIOR IDENTITY get OFF THE TREADMILL.

facebook.com/groups/iamunapologetic

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