Jillian Aurora
May 20, 20202 min
Updated: Dec 31, 2021
Often when people start to wake up to the idea of boundary setting, it is overwhelming. What boundaries do I set? Am I really allowed to say I want that? What if people don’t like my boundaries?
The truth is, boundaries are your greatest key to freedom and self respect AND they are also the thing that will require THE MOST courage EVER. Once you set them, the limits of your self respect and commitment to honor yourself will be tested. Many people won’t like them. By setting and holding your boundaries, you will be taking back all of the power other people, groups, and institutions have had over you - which will upset them.
Here is an example of the foundation of basic boundaries I hold -
I am NOT AVAILABLE FOR any belief systems, groups, subcultures, institutions, or relationships who:
- Tell me I was born broken, not good enough, or fucked up
- Tell me I need someone or something outside of myself for wholeness
- Assume they have a right to my time, energy, resources, or body
- Try to limit my access to knowledge
- Try to suppress my independent thought
- Use a book, law, or resource to justify dominance and hierarchy over me
- Disregard my basic human rights for any reason
- Attempt to minimize or dismiss my own opinions, thoughts, or feelings
- Attempt to manipulate me into playing a certain role, identity, or obligation
- Punish me for being myself, when it conflicts with their own beliefs/paradigm
- Pressure me to disregard interests, relationships, or passions, seen as competition
- Pressure me to hide and suppress any part of myself that does not align with the perceived role or identity I am “supposed” to play
For a lot of my life, I allowed:
FAMILY
CHURCHES
AUTHORITY FIGURES
MENTORS
ROMANTIC PARTNERS
EMPLOYERS
FRIENDS
To impose these beliefs, behaviors, and powers on me.
Today, I am willing to lose anything and everything for the sake of honoring myself.
Today, I will suffer any cost in order to be authentic, transparent, and fully operating in my gifts, even if that means disappointing, angering, and even being abandoned by others.
And I have. I have given up many relationships. My marriage. Religion. Employers. Friends.
These are the foundation of my boundaries. This is what I am UNAVAILABLE FOR. Being in my space is an earned privilege, not a right.
Boundaries are the way you govern your space too. So, what are the REQUIREMENTS to be in your space, GODDESS? What are you UNAVAILABLE for?