Patterns of Abuse

This past week was heavy.

I was reminded of trauma. I was reminded of oppression. I was reminded of being silenced. I was reminded of injustice and double standards and entitlement.

For so long, I have shrugged it off. Downplayed. Minimized.

"It’s not so bad." "I allowed it." "I chose it." "I have no right to feel the pain." "I have no right to grieve the lost dignity." "I made my bed and I layed in it."

I have resisted calling it by a name, fearing others might call me dramatic. Others prefer it stay in the shadows too, unnamed. Unspoken. Hidden. Some are not ready to see it. Some are not ready to hear it.

Abusive patterns are what I got to see this week. Generations and generations of trauma. Some may see faces next to the title “abuser”. I simply see the faceless patterns and beliefs we have all been abused by. We have become accustomed. We have become convinced and entranced, believing this hierarchy is the way.

Our hearts whisper the truth. Long to be set free. Long to acknowledge our humanity equally.

The abusive patterns we have all been dancing to have told us lies:

- There is a weaker vessel that must be guided and governed. - We give up ownership of ourselves to another human being. - Someone else is responsible for our happiness and wellbeing. - Our loyalty demands our catering to another human being’s needs. - Our vow entitles one to unconditional commitment, which demands the endurance of endless grievances. - The purpose of some human beings is to serve and cater to other human beings. - Loyalty, submission, sex, and choice, is a basic right and entitlement, depending on gender you were born with. - One person’s comfort is worth more than another person’s expression. - Power of choice is ruled by only one in a relationship. - Giving up autonomy and personal power is the cost of loving someone.

Typing this literally turns my stomach. These are the generational lies that have been ingrained in my history - woven into my dna. I have submitted. I have cowered and catered. I have willingly forfeited myself and my power, thinking this was the cost of being loved as a female.

My own submission to these “rules” and patterns was my participation in all of our abuse. This hierarchy only breeds disconnection and pain, both for the superiors and inferiors. Silence and denial was my part in this dance and my allowance of this endless history of abusiveness.

Today, those generational patterns have died. The generational trauma gets to end with me. My life has been a journey of taking back my autonomy. Reclaiming myself.

I am Unapologetically me.

There is nothing in this world that could ever again convince me to give up my Divine right of freedom.

Love does not demand my resignation. It never did.

Love yourself enough to recognize the lies, deep within your bones. Your ability to fully love others starts with Unapologetically loving you.

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