Updated: Dec 20, 2021
If I had a nickel for every time I heard a woman say she “just couldn’t do this anymore”, I’d be retired.
I remember many moments like this myself. So “done”. So “over it”. For “real” this time.
But then the feelings would subside. The anger would soften. I would have a few feel good moments, a few moments of self-doubt and denial, and then all would be “good” again.
I’d tell myself it wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be.
I’d find some fault of my own.
I’d tell myself he just needed time to work things out.
I’d try to be more patient.
I’d remind myself no one is perfect.
I’d tell myself I was being unrealistic.
In the end, I’d settle with feeling guilty for “overreacting” and I’d use the whole experience to justify learning how to be more patient, forgiving, and compassionate.
And the whole cycle would repeat…
But patience and compassion were the last things my situation needed.
My anger and frustration showed up to SERVE me. They were there to motivate me to take ACTION. They were the voice of my self worth speaking, begging me to stop tolerating my own mistreatment. They were provoking me to STOP allowing my rights to be violated over and over again.
If you have found yourself repeatedly saying “I can’t do this anymore!” or “I’m DONE.”, I challenge you to get honest with yourself. Just because your feelings soften or you feel a little more peace does not mean the violation has been corrected and restored honor to your relationship. Chances are, the feelings that are surfacing are trying to tell you something very powerful and are pointing you to some courageous conversations and actions.