Updated: May 21
“I don’t accept no for an answer”
I have heard this statement glorified throughout my life.
Endless persistence and determination.
It’s great, right? The mark of a true winner. The earmark of success.
If you just try hard enough, you’ll get your way.
If you just persuade more, they’ll eventually cave.
If you just handle all the objections (NOs), you’ll win.
It’s what’s taught in sales, school, fitness, and relationships.
It doesn’t matter how we got there - just that we won whatever it was we wanted.
It doesn’t matter how the objecting person feels/felt.
It doesn’t matter if the relationship suffered in the process.
It doesn’t matter if anyone’s personal and emotional and physical health was damaged.
Because PERSISTENCE and DETERMINATION won.
And then, we wonder why we are all so fucking confused about BOUNDARIES.
Perhaps it is because we have not learned to respect each other’s NO’s and each other’s limits. Perhaps it is because we have not learned to honor each other’s entitlement to THEMSELVES, their time, their attention, their resources, and their bodies.
Perhaps it is because we justify our manipulation and coercion and mask it as persistence and determination.
Boundaries and respect are two way streets. Often we complain about other’s disregard of our rights and boundaries, yet we fail to offer the same honor and integrity we crave.
If someone refuses to accept your NO, they are seeking to control you. - And visa versa. ;-)
Isn’t it time to change our belief that “never accepting a no” is a good thing?
What honors you, honors everyone. What honors everyone, honors you.