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Tolerating Abuse

Updated: Dec 21, 2021

It never ceases to amaze me the amount of pain and absolutely outrageous behaviors I watch women tolerate for YEARS.

It’s an endurance unlike any I have ever seen.

Women will desperately problem solve ways to stay with men who:

Steal money from them

Demean them

Break their things

Sleep all hours of the day

Create chaos and sleepless nights

Pee on their beds, floors, and closets

Shoot holes in the walls

Shoot themselves in order to obtain narcotics

Forge checks

Sabotage careers

Carry firearms while drunk

Sleep with other women


Hit them

Manipulate or force sex

Threaten them

Make cruel jokes

Put others in danger due to drinking to incapacitation

Take advantage of their time, effort, resources, or body

I know, because most of the things on this list I have endured, while at the same time 100% thinking my life was manageable and that I was totally capable of maintaining that relationship.

I learned to be a fantastic problem solver.

I knew when to distance myself, give space, step in, deescalate, diffuse, and accommodate. When I realized it was impossible to both adequately care for myself and live with my partner, I strategized how to obtain a second home to escape when the drinking and behavior were especially bad. ANYTHING was better than leaving. ANYTHING was better than feeling his rejection and fury. ANYTHING was better than allowing my illusion of happiness to crumble. ANYTHING was better than giving up.

I was on autopilot. Leaving wasn’t even a question entertained in my mind. It was all about damage control and survival.

I look back now and realize there was so much tied into such a compulsive need to stay. There was DEEP ancestral programming. There was an incredible depth of woundedness around self worth and my ability to respect myself, instead of being at the mercy of someone else. There was a core belief around loyalty and love, telling me I was a bad person if I did not stay.

THESE were the things that needed healing. The insanity of the relationship was only the catalyst, shedding light on all the wounds within me, begging to be addressed. Because of all the pain and trauma in the relationship I refused to give up on, it forced me to see myself. My self betrayal. My conditioning. My beliefs and assumptions. My illusions.

Today, the game is up. Today, I watch women clumsily wake up from their stupor and realize they have a CHOICE. I watch them reclaim their right to safety. To equal partnership. To love. To freedom. To THEMSELVES.

It’s messy. It’s clumsy. It’s unpredictable and terrifying. But it’s HAPPENING.

Women are remembering. They are remembering the Goddess inside. They are remembering their divinity.

Are you ready to remember?

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