Updated: Dec 21, 2021
Living loyal to yourself and your calling does not mean living pain and sorrow free. It does not mean being exempt from negative emotions. It does not mean being above hardship and loss.
Being ALIVE means we have the PRIVILEGE of feeling it ALL. Being ALIVE means FULLY experiencing joy and SORROW. Happiness and GRIEF. Love and LONELINESS. Courage and FEAR. Acceptance and REJECTION. Peace and CONFLICT. Abundance and LOSS. Beginnings and ENDINGS.
Living fully means holding it ALL. Embracing it ALL. Not rejecting what you don’t like. Not cherry picking what you want.
Being ALIVE means we have the PRIVILEGE of pain and challenge.
I have fought and overcome so much in my time. I have built a life I love and learned to give it the respect it deserves. I take 1000% responsibility for what I allow in my life, what I tolerate, and what I create.
AND, this will never prevent me from experiencing deep pain.
BECAUSE THE MORE YOU EMBRACE LIFE AND LOVE, THE MORE YOU FEEL THE LOSS OF IT.
It is the price of admission.
This season is full of grief for me. It is lonely. It is disappointing. It is uncertain.
In this life, I only get to control MY choices. I get to observe and experience everything outside of that. Death, illness, and other people's choices are simply things I get to ACCEPT and move through.
I’m still adjusting to life without my best fur friend, Apollo. Maybe that sounds trite and silly, but my home is forever changed.
My good friend and comediator is fighting a brutal battle for his life. His absence in each mediation session is painful and lonely. I didn’t realize how comfortable I had gotten, relying on his presence.
My Love, Carter, is still recovering from a severe and seemingly never ending injury to his wrist. This experience has been a catalyst for both of us to level up in ways we couldn’t have foreseen. It has created opportunities only spontaneous challenges can.
My kitties have had health issues of their own, of the shitty variety. It’s been costly and stressful.
My Goddess team is absent right now. BOTH of the women who work for me are busy having babies, within a week of each other. So, right now, every significant partnership in my business is gone. And it’s just lonely and overwhelming. I’m celebrating their mama journeys and panicking inside about how to pull all the weight myself for a bit.
I’m sitting in my own shit right now in many ways. Running my business and life calling at the level I want to has had a STEEP learning curve. It’s demanded honest assessment and reassessment. It’s demanded a hard look at rookie mistakes and repeated course correction. It’s demanded a level of accountability that is incredibly uncomfortable. And, I’m sure I’m nowhere near done learning.
So, dear Goddesses, THIS is what growth continues to look like. It’s messy. It’s full of discomfort and seasons of sorrow. It’s REAL. Don’t let someone sell you an illusion that growth looks like perfection and bliss. (Although some seasons do.)
Step in the arena with PRIDE and hold your beautiful head HIGH. Few have the courage to stay in the ring with a heart wide open. <3