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Love Shouldn't Be Transactional

Updated: Dec 13, 2021

There are many reasons I have heard women use to justify their own mistreatment. There were many ways I myself justified relationships that were not honoring. I was a master at twisting positive principles into reasons why I should endure more, forgive more, and tolerate unacceptable behavior.

One of the principles I twisted to justify my own self betrayal was “Love isn’t transactional”. The truth is, love ISN’T transactional. True love is not given out of obligation or indebtedness. It is simply given out of pure inspiration and DESIRE.

BUT I used this principle to justify giving and giving of myself, without any return. I told myself love was not transactional therefore, I should be willing to sacrifice all of me without any reciprocation. This was especially true of my partner relationships. If I was TRULY loving, I wouldn’t care what I got back, right?


Our love, caring, and presence is a PRECIOUS gift. It is SACRED. It is DIVINE.

It is not meant to simply be CONSUMED and taken for granted. It is not meant to be taken advantage of and abused.

The reality is I cannot trick my body or my soul into true love. I cannot manufacture it. I cannot force myself to love when my soul knows it is being dishonored. Either I DESIRE to give of myself freely or I give out of duty, obligation, guilt, and indebtedness (not love).

My body and my intuition also have a WICKED sense of accuracy sniffing out people whose intention it is to consume and take advantage of me. As much as we try to hide from the truth and excuse the inexcusable, our bodies KNOW. No amount of suppression or justification will save us from feeling the unavoidable resentment because our divine bodies were built to discern and protect ourselves from being mindlessly consumed.

So yes, love is NOT transactional. AND, your love and presence is not meant to be taken advantage of, abused, consumed, or taken for granted. BOTH are true at the same time.

Where are you justifying your own mistreatment? Where are you giving and giving and trying not to feel the resentment your wise body is bringing up? Where are you diminishing and dishonoring the value of your own presence and love?

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