Updated: Dec 21, 2021
“He’s so whipped.”
I’ve heard this comment a few times and it always leaves me feeling disturbed.
Whenever I have heard this flippant phrase, it has always been in reference to a man who was partnered with a strong woman, who wasn’t afraid to ask for what she wanted.
And that made me think of all the times I have avoided speaking what I wanted, because I didn’t want my partner to feel weak or “whipped”. I was well aware of the fact men were supposed to be perceived as the leaders and I was supposed to be the pleasant and easy going partner.
This old programing reared its head recently when I heard that good old accusation… “They say he’s pussy whipped”. I instantly thought, “Is that what they say about MY partner?”. I was hit by the realization I still had fears I could be perceived as “too strong” and this could reflect badly on my partner. Icky!
When I truly examine the “he’s so whipped” accusation, I find patriarchal programming underneath. This old programming says only male dominance is acceptable. It says a man who respects a woman enough to honor her desires and sovereignty is weak.
It’s time we let go of the old hierarchy that says there must be dominance and submission in relationships. It’s time we let go of one being strong and one being weak. It’s time we let go of one being whipped and one doing the whipping. It’s time we let go of one being the winner and one being the loser.
The very definition of hierarchy places one ABOVE or BELOW the other. It is a defeating and competitive system, where one person wins and one person loses. While a hierarchy may be an understandable system for an organization or business, it is not a model I choose into for a partnership.
No one is “whipped”.
No one is the “authority”.
No one is expected to give in.
No one gives up their own sovereignty.
No one “wins” at the other’s expense.
Because that’s not a partnership.
For too long, we have accepted this unfulfilling and connection killing model. In the end, no one actually wins and everyone ends up lonely and resentful.
Today, I choose PARTNERSHIP.
Two equals, choosing to be a team.
Two sovereign beings, journeying together.
Two individuals, honoring the wisdom within each other.
Two souls, not seeking to dominate each other but to enhance and honor each other.
Sometimes, I hear domination being repackaged and sold as something new and better. But it’s the same old unfulfilling story with the same old tyrannical result.
At the end of the day, ownership and relationship will never be the same thing.