Updated: Dec 21, 2021
“He VOWED to be married FOREVER.”
“He CAN’T just walk away. He PROMISED.”
“He HAS to change because he PROMISED.”
“He HAS to stop cheating because he PROMISED.”
“He HAS to stop using because he PROMISED.”
“We’re supposed to be each other’s person for life.”
“What am I supposed to do when I’m the only one left in this marriage?”
I have heard these words, full of anguish, more times than I can count. I have watched this intense heartbreak over and over.
It is the dark side of CERTAINTY and COMMITMENT.
As safe as promises can feel, they can also imprison us and the ones we love.
Promises sometimes make us blind and unaccepting of the truth, staring us in the face. Someone’s true colors can be so CLEAR, yet we intentionally turn a blind eye because we only want to see their former commitment.
No matter what someone’s promise was, you cannot MAKE THEM fulfill it. Would you want to anyway? Would manufactured feelings and values really make you happy?
No amount of PROMISES will GUARANTEE a person STAY the way you want them to stay or CHANGE the way you want them to change.
WE DON’T GET TO DICTATE LIFE LIKE THAT.
Living life on life’s terms takes courage. It takes massive strength to show up to face REALITY, when it radically differs from what we want so badly. Many of us spend our lives in a bitter battle, warring against truths we refuse to accept. So we kick, scream, beg, plead, manipulate, and stubbornly force our will, regardless of how blatantly our will ignores the obvious and undeniable unfolding of the lives around us.
No matter how much force of will we throw at the universe hoping to change its course, we must eventually surrender ourselves to WHAT IS, not HOW WE THINK IT SHOULD BE.
We are allowed to spend as much as our lives fighting acceptance as we want. We are allowed to spend as much of our lives in denial as we want. We are allowed to spend as much of our lives bitter about broken promises as we want.
We can gather the courage to FACE THE FUCKING TRUTH.
We can choose raw honesty. We can choose to see people’s true colors for what they are and stop trying to repaint them. We can stop trying to manipulate people to share our values. We can stop begging people to manufacture feelings and commitments they no longer genuinely feel.
So, will you continue clinging to dead promises, bitter they have not dictated your current reality? Or will you choose to embrace the unpleasant truths, begging to be acknowledged for what they are?
The truth will set you free, IF YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO SEE IT.