Updated: Nov 11, 2020
“My husband won’t let me wear that.”
“My partner won’t let me cut my hair.”
“My spouse won’t let me compete in a fitness competition.”
“My husband won’t allow me to be out of town without him.”
“I need to be home before then because my partner won’t be happy.”
“My partner doesn’t want me to look too muscular.”
“I can’t buy that because my husband would be angry.”
Sometimes, the comments I hear from women sound exactly like words that would be appropriate coming from a CHILD.
At one point, every single one of these comments came out of MY mouth. And, I thought I was just being a good wife. Because good wives ASK PERMISSION. Good wives COMPROMISE. Good wives ACCOMMODATE their husband’s insecurities.
But today I realize I wasn’t doing ANYONE any favors by asking permission. All of these things I “wasn’t allowed to do” were a FACADE. I was truly AFRAID of my own authority and power. I hid behind someone else’s preferences and perceived authority in order to avoid my power.
As a woman, it is FAR too easy to live life as a dependent - never really growing up and exercising our own personal authority. It’s perfectly acceptable to depend on our husband’s provision and protection, in exchange for submitting to his rules and preferences - no matter how covert they are.
It was sexy and acceptable for me to believe compromise was just “part of marriage”, totally ignoring that a healthy marriage is meant to ENHANCE each other's growth and EMPOWER us to reach for our potential. In my case, my “compromise” was doing the opposite.
I did a great job lying to myself - I told myself my limitations were necessary and that they were LOVE. I justified babying his insecurities and blatant overreach. I behaved as if I had a parent, not a partner. I made decisions as if I were a child, always needing permission and never relying on my own innate desires and intuition. I told myself this was how it was supposed to be, even though it never really felt aligned.
THE TRUTH WAS, living in my potential as my AUTHENTIC SELF, was not in alignment with my then partner. It was either submission to his constructed ideal version of me, or my honest expression of who I am. I couldn’t have both. THE TRUTH WAS, I wanted to compete in a fitness competition. I wanted to wear clothing he didn’t like. I wanted to cut my hair. I liked being muscular. I wanted to make my own purchasing decisions. THE TRUTH WAS, the more I explored and honored my DESIRES and the more courageously AUTHENTIC I was, the more on fire I was for life. The more I lived my passion and purpose. The more I had to GIVE others.
I was allowing his authority to hijack my true self. Until it was just too painful and suffocating.
A Goddess can only be suppressed for so long.
Where have YOU been asking for permission, instead of fully owning your own DESIRES and PERSONAL AUTHORITY?