Stop Lowering The Bar

Updated: Nov 11, 2020

When returning home to a drunk, checked out, and delusional partner is your norm...

When hearing demeaning, belittling, and hurtful comments is your norm…

When shouldering all of the household demands and responsibilities is your norm…

When stressing over all of the bills alone is your norm…

When fear of unpredictability and rageful explosions is your norm…

When dismissal of your most basic emotional and physical needs is your norm...




It becomes really damn easy to celebrate the mediocre.




I remember thinking my relationship was really improving when my partner didn’t explode over a conversation about the groceries I decided to buy.


I remember genuinely feeling like my relationship was healthy because I had managed to go a few weeks without crying.


I remember really celebrating when my partner didn’t get angry when I said “no” to something I didn’t want to do.


I remember feeling really loved when my partner showed genuine care for me when I got sick.




When I look back now, I realize I was celebrating things that were BASIC RIGHTS in a relationship. Compassion. Respect. Equality. Partnership. I was celebrating things that should have been ASSUMPTIONS. I was celebrating the BARE MINIMUM.




But I didn’t see it.




My response to experiencing trauma day in and day out was to numb out. To expect less. To lower the bar.




And so, when I simply received the simple touch of human decency and crumbs of dignity, I thought it was a damn good day!




If you are a survivor of trauma or are currently surviving trauma, do you find yourself celebrating when your partner meets exceptionally low standards?




It is normal to assume people cannot give you more because that has been your experience. What if I told you your experience of others’ respect and love could dramatically change if YOU massively and unapologetically were to RAISE YOUR STANDARDS? You’re a fucking Goddess. You get to have Goddess standards to be in your presence.




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