Updated: Nov 8, 2020
For a long time, I have stayed quiet on this issue. I just can’t anymore.
I have been bothered by the overuse of the word “Narcissist” for a very long time. Even though a LOT of my content would be applicable to what people have deemed a “relationship with a narcissist”, I refuse to use the word.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is RARE.
0.5-1% of the population are diagnosed with it.
50-75% of those 1% diagnosed are men.
It is a clinical label that only psychologists are qualified to diagnose.
Calling out “Narcissism” has become a fad. And, it’s on my radar for a few reasons.
I believe the term people are using - “Narcissism” - represents what is actually the Masculine Shadow. Toxic masculinity is abusive, apathetic, arrogant, condescending, controlling, coercive, forceful, domineering, and possessive.
The Masculine Shadow will ALWAYS attract the Feminine Shadow. Instead of taking ownership of the feminine shadow behavior or the toxic feminine, which would empower us to heal, we have stopped short at demonizing and blaming the masculine shadow.
I believe the term narcissism has been used to shift the blame from giving away our own power. This is the shadow of the feminine.
It says “See how bad he is?”, and, “See what she did to me?”, and “See how my beautiful empathetic self got taken advantage of?”
As heavily as the word “Narcissist” has been demonized, the word “Empath” has equally been glorified. Using these labels to categorize someone as “good” or “bad” is really harmful and deeply troubling. The truth is, we are all capable of narcissistic traits and we are all capable of empathic traits (unless you are in the 1% of people who are true psychopaths).
What I would like to point out is that those who choose to label themselves as “Empaths” who have been taken advantage of by “Narcissists” have some feminine shadow - toxic femininity - to look at. Toxic femininity is self betraying, passive, people pleasing, secretive, permissive, indecisive, dependent, submissive, and self doubting.
Masculine Shadow will ALWAYS attract Feminine Shadow - like irresistible magnets. And, you can see how their behaviors feed each others’ toxicity perfectly.
So, here’s the deal: if you want to point out the masculine shadow - “Narcissism” - you also get to look at and heal the feminine shadow, that you often label as “Empathic”.
Before you jump down my throat for victim blaming, hear me out. Owning these painful truths were what empowered me to disentangle myself from the shadow and abuse of the masculine. I can spot toxic femininity because I lived it for most of my life. I was the victim. I was the one taken advantage of. I chose into relationships with deeply toxic masculine men, repeatedly. I did not get better through pointing out their behaviors and feeling sorry for myself. I got better through owning my own self betrayal, self sacrificing, passivity, and people pleasing - and healing those things. I now REPEL the Masculine Shadow at my very core.
Because the opposite of “Victim” is “Goddess”.
Have you attracted a lot of the Shadow Masculine in your relationships? Are you ready to heal your Shadow Feminine? Are you ready to step into your Goddess power? She is waiting.