
Nobody Knew
Updated: Nov 11, 2020
In the past, I have been an excellent secret keeper. I could contain the worst news. I could carry the deepest pain. I could cover up the most horrifying behavior. And I had the BEST poker face. I could muster up the most pleasant and convincing smile. I was talented at keeping everyone believing life was good, relationships were more than fine, and I was happy.
Yet, I was DROWNING.
I was lonely.
I was pretending I could live with an alcoholic and absent partner without any negative consequences.
I was dealing with unpredictability - I never knew if I was walking into a warzone when I got home.
I was sleep deprived, often pretending to be asleep when my partner drank away the night, becoming more and more agitated, angry, and loud.
I was ashamed and embarrassed I was tolerating cruel words and cold behavior.
I was anxious because the very place that was supposed to be safest had become the place I needed to be most on guard and prepared to protect myself.
But nobody knew.
Because I smiled.
Because I was successful.
Because I was reassuring.
Because I was LIVING A LIE.