Nobody Knew

Updated: Nov 11, 2020

In the past, I have been an excellent secret keeper. I could contain the worst news. I could carry the deepest pain. I could cover up the most horrifying behavior. And I had the BEST poker face. I could muster up the most pleasant and convincing smile. I was talented at keeping everyone believing life was good, relationships were more than fine, and I was happy.




Yet, I was DROWNING.




I was lonely.


I was pretending I could live with an alcoholic and absent partner without any negative consequences.


I was dealing with unpredictability - I never knew if I was walking into a warzone when I got home.


I was sleep deprived, often pretending to be asleep when my partner drank away the night, becoming more and more agitated, angry, and loud.


I was ashamed and embarrassed I was tolerating cruel words and cold behavior.


I was anxious because the very place that was supposed to be safest had become the place I needed to be most on guard and prepared to protect myself.




But nobody knew.




Because I smiled.

Because I was successful.

Because I was reassuring.

Because I was LIVING A LIE.