You might be surprised to hear I still struggle with setting boundaries.
Sometimes, desperately so.
Yes, the same Jillian Aurora who’s battle cry is “what honors you, honors everyone” and “don’t EVER abandon yourself” still trembles when facing a difficult conversation.
Sometimes she doesn’t speak up.
Sometimes she doesn’t advocate for her needs.
Sometimes she lets herself down.
Sometimes she cries for days after doing the right but hard thing.
It’s a MASSIVE work in progress to change the ancestral programming, deep within my bones.
It can feel like I have a mouthful of glue, holding me back from saying simple things like:
“No thank you.”
“I’m not wanting to share my time right now.”
“I don’t want to be here right now.”
“This isn’t working for me.”
“I’m finished talking for now.”
“I’ve changed my mind.”
“No, I won’t reduce my price.”
“This feels like an unequal relationship and I am withdrawing myself.”
“I don’t want to be touched like that.”
“I don’t want to be spoken to like that.”
“I feel uncomfortable.”
“I’d like you to leave my home.”
“Thanks for your offer but my answer is no.”
“I feel very hurt by that.”
“I’d like to talk about that before we proceed.”
When I practice saying simple phrases and statements like this, I royally piss off my inner GOOD GIRL. She rants and raves about how rude, inconsiderate, unaccommodating, uncompassionate, and selfish I am.
And, sometimes, she wins. Sometimes she keeps me silent. Sometimes, I betray myself. Sometimes, I get to backtrack and correct my steps to a more honoring course of action.
Instead of being angry with myself for not “being better”, I get to remind myself that I have done and am doing MASSIVE work. I still choose, every day, to face the resistance and feelings that come up as I undo all of this old programming. I still choose to have the courage to face the trembling hands, the emotions, the fears, the voices, the rejection, AND DO IT ANYWAY.
For every woman out there learning to have her own back, stand up for herself, love herself, and honor herself, YOU ARE BRAVE. You are courageous. YOU ARE A FUCKING BADASS for choosing to show up, over and over again. This is tough shit and it is not for the weak.
When you continue to show up and do this work, you free your daughters, your mothers, and every other woman out there.