Updated: Jan 9, 2022
“When people show you their true colors, believe them.”
So many times, I have made the mistake of believing people who speak nice words without substance.
I have allowed myself to be vulnerable to empty commitments, declarations of love, rosy illusions of identity, and others’ promises of “what they are going to do”. I have believed them wholeheartedly and without question, even when the actions didn’t match.
A huge way I get to build my self trust is knowing I have my own back when I see signs of dishonor and incongruence. We all know actions speak louder than words. But how many of us made decisions based on the actions we see instead of the words we hear?
We loan money because they SAID they would repay it (even though they have dishonored loans in the past).
We trust someone in our home because they SAID they would respect house rules (even though they have dishonored requests in the past).
We enter relationships because they SAID they believe in equality, building trust, open communication, living a healthy lifestyle, etc (even though they haven’t been living in alignment with these beliefs before meeting you).
We allow someone to borrow a possession of ours because they SAID they would be careful (even though they do not treat their own possessions with care).
We enter a rental contract with a roommate because they SAID they would pay the rent (even though they have not honored past contracts).
We believe someone’s allegiance to sobriety because they SAID they were done (even though their promises in the past have been empty).
We offer trust in sharing our emotional vulnerability because they SAID we were safe to share (even though they gossip about others).
We jump into a work contract because they SAID they were “team oriented” (even though their high turnover rate and employee complaints say differently).
Sloppy promises are everywhere. The name of the game is HONOR and it gets to start with us. When we hold a higher standard of honor in our sacred space, we require everyone else to level up.
As long as we tolerate,
As long as we silently comply and compromise,
As long as we deny the truth we see in front of our own faces,
THE SHADOW OF DISHONOR IS ALLOWED TO CONTINUE.
And our own SELF BETRAYAL lives on.
Many many people THINK they want me as an employee, as a friend, as a partner, as a roommate, as a lover. The truth is many people are not ready to be at the level of HONOR I require in my space. Talk is cheap and if the actions don’t match, I’m simply not available.
My own level of commitment to MY OWN VALUES, requires my willingness to STAND ALONE and this is why many people choose compromise and denial. Because it is FUCKING HARD to HONOR yourself at this level.
When you are willing to lose it ALL.
When no cost is TOO MUCH.
When self love isn’t just LIP SERVICE.
Believe what you SEE, not what you HEAR. Honor that Unapologetically.