Updated: Nov 8, 2020
When I came to this planet, I chose the perfect family for me. My mission was mastery and growth. I chose a father who struggled with alcohol, meth, and women. I chose a mom who was doing her best to navigate her own oppression of the patriarchy. I chose a sister who had a special life, touched by down syndrome.
I chose to experience abandonment by my father at 7.
I chose to experience sexual violation at age 7.
I chose to experience a new adopted family and 3 new siblings at age 8.
I chose to experience extreme religious fundamentalism throughout my childhood.
I chose to experience being homeschooled and extremely sheltered throughout my childhood.
I chose to experience extreme sexism and patriarchal beliefs throughout my childhood.
I chose to internalize the beliefs I was inferior, unworthy, filthy, depraved, broken, and unloveable.
I chose to internalize the beliefs I needed to be saved from horrid self.I chose to internalize the belief my happiness was dependent on others, specifically, my authorities (male figures - father or husband).
I chose to internalize the fear of myself and my own power to tempt and cause others to sin - simply by showing too much of myself (body, willpower, desires, or beauty).
I chose to believe my body was bad and needed to be covered and hidden.
I chose to believe my mind and heart were so evil and fragile, they must be subject to someone else, because I could never trust my own deception.
I CHOSE TO BE CONDITIONED AS THE PERFECT VICTIM.
I chose this, so I could spend the next decade of my life learning to BECOME MY OWN WARRIOR.
I chose Villain after Villain in my story, victimizing me. Kicking me while I was down. Using me. Sucking me dry. Acting in alignment with my own sense of worthlessness. Addicts, abusers, alcoholics, manipulators, chauvinists, womanizers - I chose them all.
I thought I might die of heartbreak.
I thought I might die of abandonment.
I thought I might die of betrayal.
I thought I might die from the pain of abuse.
But I came here to MASTER.
I chose Villain after Villain, to awaken my inner WARRIOR. The one that desperately wanted to speak up. The one that knew I was NOT broken. The one that knew I deserved nothing less than ROYALTY. The one that knew my FIERCE STRENGTH. The one that was not afraid of me or my DESIRES or my FIRE.
And, after fully activating and embodying my WARRIOR, I know get to fully live in and hold space for my GODDESS, in all of her glory.
I chose to be fully conditioned as a VICTIM, so I could learn to master my WARRIOR, so I could fully stand in my glory as a GODDESS.
What is the story you chose? What did you come here to master? Curious to learn more about your WARRIOR and GODDESS? I am holding space for you my Love, I cannot leap for you though.