Updated: Nov 11, 2020
Sometimes, life seems far too easy and I experience the old guilt programming. The programming that says I have to WAIT until everyone else is happy to BE happy.
That old voice can get me into trouble.
See, I used to constantly tell myself - “Later. There will be time for your desires LATER. You can speak about your needs LATER. It’s just not a good time. It would be inconvenient for everyone else. Your loved ones are struggling right now, so their needs are more important than yours.”
Then, I realized I would literally be waiting my entire life for everyone else to be “ok”. And, I realized I wasn’t doing ANYONE any good by waiting to pursue my desires. So, I did.
And, here I am.
Living my dream job.
Massively impacting lives.
Building what I once thought was “unrealistic”.
My life is PEACEFUL.
My relationships are LOVING and AUTHENTIC.
I literally don’t do anything I don’t want to do.
I listen to the birds sing.
I surround myself with flowers and green and sunshine.
I have the luxury of living my gift - writing - any time I want.
I have a partner who loves being in my world.
I am spoiled with delicious and healthy food.
My home is NOURISHING, colorful, and clean.
My fur babies fill my heart with unending love.
I WRESTLE with myself.
Instead of enjoying the bliss I have created, I FIND things to stress about.
Instead of feeling free to enjoy my day, I hold myself to BACKBREAKING standards.
Instead of relishing in the peace, I WORRY about losing it.
Instead of being content, I fret that maybe I have not done ENOUGH.
I will return to that treadmill SO QUICK.
You must work HARDER.
How dare you live this way.
You can’t relax YET.
You have not EARNED the right to enjoy, yet.
Other people are still suffering, so what makes you think you can live happy?
I know bullshit when I hear it.
I moved SERIOUS mountains to get where I am today.
I shed MILLENNIA of old programming and beliefs.
I healed massive traumas and my very wounded self worth.
Today, I am no longer mastering GETTING my dreams but HAVING them.
The old saboteurs will show up to tell me I cannot have my dreams and I will have the choice to listen or level up again.
Where are you tempted to sabotage the tremendous work you have done? Do you struggle with feeling worthy of HAVING your dreams?