Updated: May 21, 2021
Over the course of recovering from my codependency, I thought I had really mastered the idea of letting go of all expectations. I could accept anything. I fully understood I couldn’t expect sick people to act well. I fully understood expecting anything from anyone was simply setting myself up for disappointment.
So, I just stopped expecting anything from anyone.
I just relied on myself for everything. This kept me from feeling betrayed. This kept me from feeling let down. This kept me from feeling disappointed.
But it also kept me ISOLATED. It kept me feeling like I had to tackle the world ALONE. It kept me NUMB, because I simply resigned myself to being let down before it ever even happened.
While I had learned how to keep myself unharmed, I had also blocked myself from having any real relationships that WERE reliable, collaborative, and reciprocal.
While it is true I still don’t expect sick people to act well, I also don’t feel obligated to continue on dishonoring relationships with people who continually let me down. I’ve learned having some expectations and standards for my relationships is really HEALTHY.
Today, if someone shows me their true colors through one sided effort, incongruent values, or unreliability, I can adjust the relationship accordingly. I am not obligated to continue settling for behavior that is dishonoring and out of alignment with my standards.
Where do you get to STOP expecting less from your relationships? Where do you get to RAISE the bar, instead of LOWERING it? Where do you get to stop going it alone and settling for lopsided and dead relationships? Where do you get to stop SHUTTING OUT all of your feelings and instead allow yourself to fully feel and respond to unacceptable behavior?