Updated: Nov 8, 2020
A client once asked me what the difference was between a boundary and an ultimatum.
I replied: “Nothing. Boundaries are ultimatums we get to enforce when our values are violated.”
Boundaries are the conditions you create for anyone to be in your space. They are demands. They are not options or wishes. Boundaries reflect the values you hold so dearly, you are willing to let go of anyone or anything to honor them.
I recently began reflecting on boundaries again when my coach provided a list of her boundaries that began with, “I have the right to…”. This wording struck me. THE RIGHT TO. What I am ENTITLED to. What I DESERVE. This is a whole new level of perspective and commitment.
There are very few times any of us have the audacity to state those words. In those moments, we must have a LOT of fucking conviction about our values.
I have the right to.... HONEST AND CLEAR COMMUNICATION.
I have the right to… RESPECT OF MY OWN DECISION-MAKING (dignity).
I have the right to… EQUAL ENERGY EXCHANGES (not being taken advantage of).
I have the right to… AUTHENTICITY WITHOUT JUDGMENT.
I have the right to… A SECURE AND PEACEFUL HOME.
I have the right to… GENEROUS ASSUMPTIONS.
I have the right to… PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL SAFETY.
Just because I have the DIVINE RIGHT to have these things, it is no one’s responsibility but MINE to ensure I have them. I am my own protector. I am my own enforcer. The warrior in me gets to have my back, always. It is only at the level I am willing to honor my own rights, that other people will follow suit.
This was SUCH a tough lesson for me and often still is. In order to truly honor my values, I get to be willing to put EVERYTHING on the table. Every relationship. Every time commitment. Every job. Every physical surrounding. If something doesn’t match up, I get to LET IT FUCKING GO. Most of the time, that is heart wrenchingly tough.
But that is what is REQUIRED to be in alignment with my values. That is what is REQUIRED to be at my greatest potential. That is what is REQUIRED to make my greatest impact in this world.
What honors me, honors everyone.
What is the level of honor you have for yourself? What are your boundaries? What are the RIGHTS you have that you get to stop WAITING for others to see and give you?
You are not EVER at the mercy of others when it comes to honoring boundaries. You are your own warrior. You have the power to have your own back.
You got this.