Some of you are out there thinking…
“I can’t leave because he won’t know what to do without me”
“I don’t know what he would do about _______ if I left”
“He deserves someone to love him unconditionally, even with all his flaws”
“He’s not a bad person…”
“He’s been there for me, so I kind of OWE him”
“I would leave, but… VOWS”
So you stay… In a relationship that
And adds CONFLICT, CONFUSION, and CHAOS to your life.
He stopped showing up to your relationship a LONG time ago.
He left you with the burden of nourishing your relationship.
He doesn’t feel any need to contribute to your relationship, because YOU’VE got it. ;-)
He doesn’t fawn and obsess over any of your needs the way you do his.
But you continue to feel SORRY for him and his shitty choices, so you stay, hoping your love will eventually be enough for him to choose to care about you.
Goddess, not only is this FAR beneath you, this is NOT loving. Not to you. Not to him.
He DESERVES to be allowed to experience the consequences of his actions because that is what will ultimately empower him to take responsibility for his life. The natural consequences of failing to SHOW UP for a relationship is that you LOSE THE RELATIONSHIP.
And you keep robbing him of that awareness.
You’re allowed to keep suffering as long as you want. You can let your pity for him fuel your excuses. You can live in the deprivation and unhappiness as long as you choose.
Goddess, we ALL benefit when you choose you. We ALL benefit when you raise your standards and stop settling for scraps.
He deserves more than your pity. He deserves your honesty.
Signed, a recovered self-betraying, people pleasing, hopeless codependent.
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