Updated: Nov 8, 2020
This picture is a little tough for me to look at. A little tough for me to love.
My experience in bodybuilding has stretched me in so many ways. Instead of ignoring, avoiding, and disliking my thick thighs and cellulite, bodybuilding has gently required me to not only face my body regularly but to actually LEAN IN to my insecurities.
Right now, I am in the “bulking” phase of bodybuilding. This means I am actively trying to add muscle mass - eating ALLLL the food (2,200 calories a day to be exact) and lifting heavy.
I love how my experience with bodybuilding has required me to question many cultural assumptions I have been affected by. Like many women, I used to strive for the “perfect” number on the scale. I constantly sought to be smaller. Smoother. I tried to need less. I tried to suppress appetites and desires. I pushed my body harder with more cardio and fueled it with less food. More calories out, less calories in, right? As much as I tried to convince myself this was healthy and loving, this never felt right. It was always a struggle.
I have since learned so much about my body. I have learned not to be afraid of its needs. I have learned not to be afraid of weighing more or taking up more space. I don’t strive to be smaller.
I have learned my body LOVES to be STRONG. It LOVES to be CHALLENGED. It LOVES to be FUELED WELL. And it LOVES to be lavished with what it needs. When I love and spoil my body, it takes GREAT care of me in return.
It’s been about a year and a half since I started bodybuilding. When I started, I was 124 lbs and wanted to lose weight. Today, I am 144 lbs and am actively fueling my body for the demands I place on it. I have gained 17 lbs of muscle mass and celebrate when I add more.
When I look at my check in photos like this, it’s tough to shake the old paradigm. “I’m not smaller?” “There’s still cellulite?” “My pants are getting too small?”
And then my loving coach gently reminds me the goal is not to get smaller. She tells me I should buy new pants. 😂
The goal is to get STRONGER not SMALLER.
I don’t apologize for taking up space anymore. I don’t apologize for what I need. I get to trust the process. I get to step into my POWER instead of apologizing for never measuring up (or down).
No more apologies my Goddess. You are allowed to have it all. Game over when you figure this out. 👑
I’m rooting for you. GO OWN IT!