Updated: Jan 1
"If you search for evidence you are not enough, you will always find it.”
There are a thousand ways we search for the evidence:
Basing your worth on everyone else’s opinion of you.
Well actually, basing your worth on the WORST opinion you can find. We could LITERALLY have 10 people we love tell us details of how amazing we are, how we’ve changed their lives, how PRECIOUS we are to them, and that ONE person who told us we were a piece of shit will haunt us for years…
“What if they’re right?” “I KNEW it. I really am the WORST human being.”
Love, you are LOOKING for evidence you aren’t good enough… call out the bitch voice in your head and tell her to fuck off. <3
2. Trying to be the EXCEPTION TO THE RULE.
“He’s had a lot of relationships that haven’t worked out. I just know I can love him and understand him how others could not.”
Goddess, being the ONE who could love him “good enough” to change him doesn’t have ANYTHING to do with your worth. Your value as a person doesn’t have anything to do with nurturing others. If you love doing it, do it. If it’s one of your gifts, do it. NOT because it will change anyone but because it simply brings you JOY. If it brings you resentment and shame, you get to look at how you are using nurturing to define your worth.
STOP trying to EARN your worth. You don’t have to increase your value to be worth loving. You already ARE. <3
3. Evaluating your worth based on someone “choosing” you - to be a lover, a friend, an employee.
If rejected, this is evidence in your head you just “didn’t measure up”.
Just because they “didn’t want you” doesn’t have ANYTHING to do with your worth. You could be the JUICIEST most DELICIOUS peach and there will still be someone who hates peaches. Actually… there will be a lot of people who don’t like peaches. ;-)
So, Love, find the people who CANNOT GET ENOUGH peaches.
Stop equating being a bad fit for being a broken person. They aren’t the same thing.
4. Searching for validation of your gifts and innate skills through degrees, certificates, and achievements.
“If I get a DEGREE in psychology, THEN I have proof I am talented at helping people.”
“If I get a PROMOTION, THEN I have proof I’m actually a good worker.”
“If I get a CERTIFICATE, THEN I am worthy of practicing my skills.”
Knowledge is WONDERFUL. Learn everything there is to learn. Experience. AND, don’t let pieces of paper and degrees limit your ability to practice your innate gifts NOW. Education is great but it can NEVER be a replacement for the gifts you were BORN WITH. You don’t have to WAIT to live your purpose. You don’t have to earn the money to go to school to go to classes for 4 years to finally be able to shine your light. You have gifts you can use NOW.
Achievements are just icing on the cake because they are FUN. :-)
5. Seeking approval from someone outside of yourself - a person, group, institution, subculture, church, or deity.
For some reason, we often feel more comfortable if someone ELSE decides we are worth something. Someone ELSE decides to generously save us from being despicable (“I KNEW it!”) and graciously become our worth FOR us. This is not true self-worth. This is HIJACKING.
This is what happens in gangs, political parties, ethnic groups, subcultures, religions, and toxic relationships.
“You would be nothing without US.”
“Thank GOD you’re with us. NO ONE else would love you.”
ANYONE who attempts to HIJACK your worth and replace it with a dependence on something outside of yourself is fucking with your head and attempting to create a toxic dependency on them.
Love, tell anyone who tries to tell you your worth is based on someone/something else to FUCK OFF. <3
6. Comparing your actions to someone else.