Updated: Dec 21, 2021
“You’ve become so boring, can you blame me for drinking?”
“I drink because you’re so much drama all the time.”
“If you weren’t such a bitch, maybe our relationship would have a chance.”
“Our marriage makes it impossible for me to recover.”
“You’re never there when I need you.”
“You don’t give me the space I need.”
“Anyone would use drugs if they were married to you.”
“All you care about is yourself. If you really cared, you’d help me recover.”
Are you tired of the crushing weight of this lose-lose relationship?
You try and try. You’ve given your SOUL to make this relationship work. You have done EVERYTHING to get him the help he needs. You cancel work to be there for him. You’ve helped him detox countless times. You’ve covered for him. The sacrifices you’ve made are UNREAL.
He doesn’t seem to see it.
Despite all the sacrifices you’ve made, he still BLAMES YOU for his struggles. He claims that if you were just TRYING HARDER and LOVING HIM BETTER, life would be ok.
Part of you believes he’s right. Maybe, you are broken. You have this nagging feeling you really aren’t good enough and you really could work harder. So you commit to push harder. Be MORE compassionate. MORE forgiving. MORE understanding and accommodating.
Sure. And, maybe you should add in a cartwheel, three spins, and stand on your head.
GODDESS. This is INSANITY.
NONE of his behavior, illness, addiction, wounds, or dysfunction has ANYTHING to do with you. Not with how well you forgive. Not with how much understanding you give him. Not with how well you convince or explain things to him. Not with how well you love him.
His behavior has to do with HIM. His choices. His shadows. His shame. His wounds. And only HE can be the source of his healing. NOT YOU. No matter how badly you both want you to be the responsible one.
YOU ARE NOT HIS REHAB.
Stop acting like you are.
Love, it doesn’t matter how hard you try to save him and lead him to healing. That is his responsibility. The more you act as if you can heal him, the more he will blame you when you can’t.
There is nothing you can do to change the fact YOU are responsible for YOU and HE is responsible for HIM.
So, instead of spending your life sacrificing EVERYTHING only to be blamed for not doing it better, isn’t it time to put your focus back on nourishing YOURSELF?
Goddess, the people who are the GREATEST catalysts for healing in this world are not those trying to save and heal others. They are the ones living so tapped in, turned on, thriving, and shining SO BRIGHT no one can help but be inspired.