As so many people are thinking about Valentine’s Day, relationships, and love, I started thinking about the epiphanies and truths I have unearthed over the years. I started thinking about all the fear I have seen expressed in those who have left toxic relationships and are terrified of entering another one.
My biggest discovery is this -
I DO NOT HAVE TO FEAR BUILDING ANY RELATIONSHIPS, IF I CAN TRUST MYSELF TO HOLD TO MY OWN STANDARDS AND HONOR MYSELF. When I am willing to release anyone and anything that does not match the standards of an honorable relationship, I am no longer available for abuse, mistreatment, or dishonoring relationships.
Here is an accumulation of the standards I have observed present in fulfilling relationships. For those of you looking for “green flags” or reassurance, or simply a few guidelines for non-negotiable standards, let this be a starting place to putting an end to any self betrayal that lingers.
Signs of a healthy relationship:
You can say what you want, or don’t want, without fear of negative repercussions, fights, or punishments.
You trust your partner to say what they want or don’t want, honestly, even if it may be a difficult conversation.
Your partner follows through with things they say they are going to do.
Your partner does not insist on having the same interests and opinions as you.
Disagreement and individuality are safe and respected.
You feel safe to share intimate and vulnerable details about yourself with your partner. You don’t feel the need to keep secrets or hide parts of yourself.
Your partner values your needs and shows concern when you express an unmet need or insecurity.
Your partner does not show possessiveness over your body, time, energy, or resources.
You make decisions equally and there is no superiority. No one feels the need to “ask permission” to make individual decisions.
You both have access to your own financial resources.
Your energy exchanges are equal. There is not one person giving more than the other in effort, time, labor, or money, even if the composition and amounts of each may look different.
Entitlement is not present. There is no assumption of access to physical space, labor, time, or resources.
Your partner does not make condescending remarks and does not mask hurtful messages with humor.
You and your partner get physically and spiritually turned on by each other. This feels safe, natural, and frequent.
Your partner is invested in empowering and encouraging you to own your life calling and is actively your biggest cheerleader and fan. Your partner is not intimidated by your success and never minimizes it.
Your partner does not defer to outside advice or demands and does not prioritize family, friends, jobs, or commitments over you.
Your relationship is characterized by an intense desire for each other, and is not motivated by necessity or obligation.
The important thing is discovering what is honoring to yourself and holding to that, regardless of what or who you might lose. WHAT HONORS YOU, HONORS EVERYONE.
Enjoy the love you have all around you. Enjoying finding love and letting yourself fall into its warm embrace. Enjoy loving yourself enough to have standards in your space. Love in unconditional, but being in your space is an earned privilege. Own your worth, Goddess. It will benefit EVERYONE.