Updated: Nov 10, 2020
“I see it.”
“I know my kids and I aren’t being respected like we deserve.”
“I see him making decisions that jeopardize my wellbeing.”
“I realize he’s not likely to change.”
“I acknowledge the toxic cycle hasn’t changed in years.”
“I know neither of us is happy or healthy.”
“I’m aware his addictions are harming me emotionally, relationally, and financially,”
You KNOW you’re in a dark, toxic place. You KNOW your relationship is not only NOT nourishing you, it actually HARMING you. You KNOW you NEED change.
And yet, you’re paralyzed. Stuck. And you can’t figure out why.
Girl, you’ve got a few things HIJACKING your ability to take action.
Grief - You’re feeling the LOSS not only of the partner you’re letting go of but of the partner you WISH YOU HAD. The fantasies. It’s tough letting go of the way you saw love. It’s tough acknowledging the let downs. It’s tough wrestling with what all this MEANS now.
Rules - Letting go of this relationship requires breaking the “rules”. The SUPPOSED to’s. The SHOULDS. You might be judged for leaving. You might be told a “good wife” would have tried harder. The voice in your head might tell you you are letting down “the responsible one,” “the longsuffering one,” “the loyal one,” “the tenacious one,” “the tough one,” and “the compassionate one”. The “RULES” will pressure you to get back in the box and CONFORM to the identity you are SUPPOSED to be.
Guilt - How can you let him go in his darkest hour? Doesn’t he just deserve a little compassion? We all have some faults. You’re not perfect either… how can you possibly deal with abandoning him? You made a commitment. Guilt has paralyzed many a person for an entire lifetime.
Fear - Let’s be real. You aren’t sure how he would respond if you chose to leave. Would he freeze the bank accounts? Would he play dirty in court? Would he make stuff up to get you in trouble? Would he try to take the kids? Would you be able to take care of yourself without his income? Would he get desperate and violent if you told him you were leaving? You can sense the risk and unpredictability. You know that if you decide to act, things will change forever.
It’s no wonder these MONUMENTAL blocks are keeping you from taking action. They are heavy. They are REAL and VALID. Are you ready to face them and remove them?
I KNOW facing these blocks will require immense amounts of courage. I KNOW what sacrifices will be made. I KNOW the bridges that will be burnt to the ground. I KNOW the heart wrenching new birth your soul will endure. Because I have done it.