“When do I know if I should leave a relationship?”
“What if I just need to stick it out for a little bit and it will get better?”
“I can’t expect relationships to be smooth all the time. Right?”
“People deal with my shortcomings so I should ride out theirs too, right?”
“I’m just not sure how long I should “put up with it”.
Putting up with bad behavior… a conundrum.
Let’s get real for a moment.
Often when I hear women say these things, we’re talking about some seriously unacceptable behavior. Like - lying, cheating, stealing, taking advantage, verbal abuse, demeaning comments, manipulation, put downs, classic disrespect, etc. How long would you expect someone else to put up with these same behaviors FROM YOU?
Oh, but they have WOUNDS, you say.
They have a rough past.
They have addiction problems.
They were never loved appropriately.
Again, Love, how long would you think it would be appropriate for someone else to put up with this behavior FROM YOU? Even with YOUR wounds and traumas. Because I know you have them.
And, if you really think about it, if you carried out a pattern of lying, stealing, and verbally assaulting others, would you even think someone “putting up” with your unacceptable behavior was LOVE? I sure as hell WOULDN’T. I expect the people who love me to call me out when my behavior is dishonoring, hurtful, or out of alignment. AND, I EXPECT THEM TO DROP MY ASS SO FAST IF I CONTINUE TO DISHONOR THEM OR OTHERS.
THAT’S LOVE TO ME.
DON’T put up with my behavior.
DON’T settle for subpar standards.
DON’T accept disrespect, period.
There is no appropriate time to wait. Either people are capable of treating you like the human being you are, or they’re not.
Have the difficult conversations.
Enforce the consequences.
Require more to live in your space and be in your presence. It is a PRIVILEGE not a RIGHT.
Let their BEHAVIOR inform you if they are a fit for you.
RELEASE ANYTHING and EVERYONE whose behavior SHOWS YOU they don’t honor and respect you.
When you BELIEVE you’re enough, you will SAY enough.
What would a woman do who loves herself? What would a GODDESS do?