Updated: Nov 11, 2020
It’s been two years. Two years since I blew up my life and burned all the bridges.
I live my life on my own terms. I don’t settle for anything I don’t love - not men, not work, not clients, not friends, not my home, not my clothes. ;-)
I live clean and simple. I’m not afraid to admit when something just doesn’t fit for me. I’m not afraid of letting things go. I value the inner circle I have. My life is peaceful, quiet, honest, and transparent. I’m crystal clear about what I LIVE for. I am clear about what my VISION is. I am clear about who I am here to serve with my WHOLE DAMN HEART.
And I still have moments.
I have moments when I am frozen in fear.
I have moments when I question myself.
I have moments when I think maybe I dreamed too big.
I have moments when I wonder who the hell I think I am.
I have moments when past reminders attempt to place fear in me.
It’s been two years and I still get chills when I am reminded I am being watched. When I am reminded it’s still not time to drop my defenses. When I am reminded I cannot cover all my vulnerabilities.
Some soul contracts are heavy and not easily walked away from. Their scars are felt far after the wound is complete. We thought we could leave at any point, when the reality was even leaving does not separate us from the hovering uneasiness and knowing we will have to defend ourselves again.
Personal freedom isn’t free. Breaking out of a self-betraying lifestyle and a suppressing relationship comes with a massive cost. I would be lying if I said it didn’t.
You will still struggle with self-doubt. You will grapple with feeling “too big for your britches”. You will have dark days when your past tries to reclaim you.
YOU WILL HAVE YOU.
And there is no cost too great for that.
THAT is not for sale.