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We have many identities and roles we have been told we must embody. Depending on how deeply we have been conditioned to believe these identities determine our value, we will obey them even when they are destroying our lives.
A few of the identities we are susceptible to being HIJACKED by are:
The GOOD one
The RESPONSIBLE one
The RIGHTEOUS one
The LOYAL one
The DISCIPLINED one
The RELIGIOUS one
The COMPASSIONATE one
The TOUGH one
The NICE one
The PATIENT one
The POSITIVE one
The SELFLESS one
The LONG SUFFERING one
The KIND one
The EASYGOING one
These identities are POWERFUL and we have learned, from young ages, to let them control our actions. We often believe these identities make us more loving people. We think they correctly guide the way we should behave.
Their voices sound something like this:
“Stop whining. This is just the way it is and you might as well just pretend to like it.” - the positive one
“Stop making a big deal out of things. Cut him some slack on the rent.” - the easygoing one
“A religious person would be more forgiving and give them another chance.” - the religious one
“You can’t think about leaving this relationship. They NEED you. Don’t be selfish.” - the kind one
“They can’t help being sick, addicted, and abusive. You cannot abandon them.” - the compassionate one
“Don’t let them see they hurt you. You’re stronger than this. You can endure the pain.” - the tough one
“You PROMISED to be there through sickness and health. That means sticking it out through the lies, betrayal, cheating, and drinking.” - the loyal one
“You can’t afford to be tired right now. You committed to show up.” - the responsible one
“How dare you reserve luxury time for yourself or spend money on you. THEY need you more.” - the selfless one
“You just have to wait your turn. Once xyz is finished, then you can chase your dreams.” - the patient one
“Yes, they have stolen from you, lied to you, and hurt you. You should be patient for their healing.” - the long suffering one
What these identities all have in common is SELF BETRAYAL. They prioritize other peoples’ comfort, whether it harms you or anyone else. They have some serious shadow sides, like ENABLING. CONTROL. DISHONESTY. SUPPRESSION. SELF DEPRIVATION. MANIPULATION. CODEPENDENCY.
Consider some other identities who often get left on the side lines:
The SELF LOVING one
The HONEST one
The AUTHENTIC one
The DISCERNING one
The COURAGEOUS one
The SELF RESPECTING one
The RARE one
The AMBITIOUS one
The UNAPOLOGETIC one
The GODDESS.
The GODDESS doesn’t take shit and lay down and say “It’s ok. I know you didn’t mean to. I know you’re sick. It doesn’t really hurt that bad. If you need to punk me again, it’s ok, I can just lay here and be patient for you to heal. I can even pay for your treatment if you want me to.”
FUCK NO. That’s not what she says. She rises up and stands in her worth. She realizes, without a second thought, enduring her own harm is not loving to herself or anyone else.
Love, it’s not mean to honor yourself. On the contrary. It is THE MOST LOVING THING YOU COULD DO. The brighter you shine, the more candles you light. The less abuse you endure, the more you become a catalyst of loving consequences and change for those who abuse.
CHOOSE COURAGE OVER COMFORT.
Much love Goddesses. Go kick some ass.
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