Updated: Nov 10, 2020
In my years of being around the AA program, something profound has stuck out to me. They talk of “rigorous honesty”. That people who are able to be rigorously honest with themselves are capable of recovery.
I find that to be true of all of us.
The most painful experiences of my life have been caused by my refusal to be honest with myself. Denial of the facts in front of me. Minimization and avoidance of my feelings, desperately trying to get my attention. Flat out dismissal of my intuition and gut feelings. I have endured great suffering as a result of this dishonesty with myself.
I could see someone’s magic, while turning a blind eye to their shadow.
I could feel compassion for someone’s wounds, while ignoring their wounding of me.
I could believe all the promises I heard, and minimize the actions in front of my face that burned me over and over again.
I could wish for someone to reach their dreams and potential, without seeing their own actions and choices keeping them stuck.
I could believe in someone and willfully choose not to see my belief could never make up for their own disbelief.
I could believe the proclamations of love, but I avoided seeing the actions that told me a very different story.
My heart could melt when I watched someone generously give to others, while I refused to see the same person recklessly destroy and steal my things.
My heart could swell with pride and awe as I watched someone hold space for another struggling human, and yet I could not acknowledge the same person’s betrayal as they harmed me with their vicious and cruel words.
I did not want to see the betrayal. The lies. The destruction. The abuse. The belittling. The manipulation. The subtle or overt entitlement. The consumption of me.
I didn’t want to see it because I thought it meant my deepest fear was true - I wasn’t valued or loveable.
I now understand other people’s behavior has nothing to do with me.
Today, I make honesty a top priority in my daily practices. I have difficult conversations regularly. I get honest about my own feelings or motives or beliefs. I don’t hesitate to talk about my feelings, concerns, or boundaries. I understand I alone am the protector of my standards, values, and boundaries. I get to honor my worth, regardless of anyone else standing with me. I get to choose to fill my space with ONLY people who also honor my worth, and, when their behavior informs me otherwise, I get to let them go.
Dishonesty allows us to perpetuate the cycle of toxicity and self-betrayal. It does not honor ourselves or anyone else. It’s time to step into the power of RADICAL HONESTY.
What are you hiding today? What behavior have you been putting up with, because the truth is too painful? What behavior have you been JUSTIFYING because the good in someone has cast a spell over you?
The truth only hurts when it needs to.
Ready to face all the truths poised to FREE YOU?